Isn’t time what so many of us think we need. More time to get it all done, more time to be with our family, more time to recharge, more time to work out, more time to clean, more time to parent, more time to me – the pulls are endless.
After a year of being constantly tired and wishing for more time, but yet finding no more, I find myself reflecting this morning. Today I have “picked up the pen” again and I think about what was missing this last year and why I was not sharing my journey. Contemplating, why I held back from letting the release of writing recharge my soul and being true to myself. The short answer is, time wasn’t the problem and I did not need a vision board, quick fix or new method. I needed to remember my core, where I find my strength, what recharges me.
In the past year I convinced myself that time was what I needed to be able to recharge. Just a few minutes of quiet, alone, joy to be ready to do – well anything. Never finding the time, I never reconnected with my soul lighting connection and I remained tired, scattered and cranky (to be completely open and aware, I was short tempered and focused on the problems instead of the solutions).
This morning in the glow of a pink hued winter sunrise casting onto a snow covered ground, I looked around what how I was connecting with the beauty being offered all around. I saw myself scrolling through news feeds, stressing over budgets and feeling underwhelmed with all my efforts at home and work. Yet with all that negativity I was still being blessed with this beauty of nature surrounding me.
So rather than think more and wallow in the past of why I stopped writing and sharing, why I stopped teaching and learning; I grabbed the computer and let my cup fill up. In this writing, I realized it was not time that I needed, it was connection. As my connection to reflection and the word charged my heart the memories of knowing my purpose, being me instead of being the perfectionist came flooding back.
In this moment it is easy to mourn, to regret the lost time but as I thought again about time I thought less of it as a burden and more of it as a journey. I may have lost my way, but the time I spent this last year gave me conviction to connect again and strength to be on my path once more.
May your journey be why you wake and take on each day. Blessed be.